


Pieces

by Chngminxo



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 19:37:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5177195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chngminxo/pseuds/Chngminxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The closer it gets to Jaejoong's enlistment, the more he thinks.</p>
<p>He tries not to think about how things fell apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> This is a headcanon I've been harbouring for a good long while, since Jaejoong enlisted, in fact. I know it's short, and it's nonsense, but it was just something that played on my mind and I guess I have a lot of emotion attached to it, and I feel melancholy. 
> 
> Unbeta'd drabble.

Tokyo in March was still cold. Even though the days were getting longer, and the skies more blue, there was still a thin layer of snow on the ground, piled up on the sides of streets. Jaejoong liked it that way, it was his favourite part of spring. He had loved snow ever since he could remember, and the combination of that and the budding spring flowers was just so beautiful to him.

A cigarette was placed between his lips, the smoke exhaled from his lungs like a gust of wind, blowing into the night air. His forearms clothed in a coat leant against the rail of a bridge as his gaze focused on the softly bubbling stream that flowed over the rocks below. For the middle of such a big city, finding somewhere as quiet as this was not easy, but after finding it many years ago Jaejoong had not relinquished it as his place of serenity, somewhere he used to go to flee the loud apartment five young adults had to share, somewhere he now uses to flee the silence of the one he stays in alone.

The closer it gets to his enlistment, the more Jaejoong thinks.

He thinks of a time when he was young and afraid, standing in crowded practice rooms filled with sweaty strangers, the panted breaths thinly masking the thrum of need and ambition. He thinks of a warm smile like nothing else, he thinks of blossoming friendship. He thinks of brothers, of companionship, shared experiences of stress and the reward of success. He thinks of warm hands touching cool skin, of soft lips pressing to his like the press of hands together in prayer. He thinks of trust and reliance, of the greatest love he had ever known.

He tries not to think about how things fell apart.

It was two weeks almost to the day until his enlistment. He'd had his farewell show in Tokyo earlier that night, but excused himself from his own after party, having no interest in pretending that he felt the need to celebrate a single thing. He was so much older now, far older than his years, though when he looked into a mirror he didn't see a twenty-nine year old. His eyes were sunken, his face thin and pale. He looked exhausted and unwell and he was beyond the point of caring.

Another deep drag in, another push out, his eyes lifting to follow the shape of the smoke twisting through the air. Footsteps sounded on the pavement behind him, the soft rhythm approaching. Step, step, step, step. They slowed down until they stopped and Jaejoong closed his eyes,

“I didn't think I would see you here.” he said, his thumb tapping the end of the cigarette, ash floating through the air down to the chatting stream below the bridge. The streetlights were reflecting off the water, the lights dancing as the stream flowed down over the rocks. A soft chuckle sounded through the air as elbows met the railing beside him,

“I remember you being a far better liar than that, Jae.” The voice was so painfully familiar, so warm and deep, but Jae could hear the change. He could hear six years of pain and hard work through the voicing of every letter,

“Maybe you were just more gullible.” he tried to keep his confidence, not yet turning his head.

“Well you did always have me wrapped around your little finger. Even until the very end.” Silence followed that, only broken by the sound of a lighter switch, a cigarette being ignited as Jaejoong just finished his own, hearing a slow exhale from beside him after that initial, sweet drag.

“I know some exes feel obliged to be well wishers to those enlisting.” Jae said, finally turning his head. He had seen photos of Yunho over the past years, he knew he had matured but seeing him in person was something else. Yet through all the invisible scars Jaejoong could see, Yunho was still as stunning as he'd always been, “I think six years is enough time for you to have been relinquished of that obligation.”

“Who said I felt obliged?” Yunho said, turning his own head to meet the other's eyes. His expression remained stoic as his eyes slid slowly over Jaejoong's features, taking in every detail, “You look awful.” he said, causing Jae's lips to quirk up slightly in amusement, breaking the eye contact,

“You look spectacular. We both got older, some just with more grace than others.”

“You mean some with more alcohol than others.” Yunho said, taking a drag of his cigarette and looking down to the water, himself. 

“Not holding any punches, I see. I remember you being nicer.” Jaejoong's voice was laced with amusement this time, shaking his head. Silence spread between them again, neither looking at the other as they stood and smoked. No one else was around, very few would be at this hour, on a residential street. It was cold, but the air smelled of snow and Sakura blossoms, and of the clear stream below their feet. It was peaceful, Jaejoong felt at peace for the first time in far too many years.

“Are you scared?” Yunho finally asked, smoke sliding from his nostrils.

“Yes and no.” Jaejoong responded, a hand lifting to brush his brown hair from his eyes. He would get it all shaved off in a few days anyway. “Yes because.. I don't quite know what to expect. I understand what I'll be doing, but I don't quite know what it will mean, and no because..” he glanced back to Yunho before smiling sadly, “No because there isn't much left for me as a civilian. Maybe some time away will do me good. No fans, no performing, no smiles and cameras. No pretending to give a shit about people I never cared for.”

“Two years is a long time, Jae.”

“Six years is even longer, Yunho.” the elder of the two spoke, turning to look at the other man, their eyes connecting again through the dark. They really took one another in, no fans, no cameras, no photoshop changing their features. They truly saw one another for the first time in so many years and Jaejoong was speaking before he could think, “I'm sorry, Yunho... For what was said. For how things ended.” Yunho turned his head to look anywhere but at Jaejoong,

“I am, too.” he murmured in response, flicking the butt of his smoke into the water below them. History was always hard to remember, wounds would never heal completely, “I heard about the guys. None of them stick?”

“Been talking to Heechul, huh?” Jae smiled a little, “I heard about the girls. Still trying to be a good boy?” he asked.

“How did you know about them?” Yunho turned his head, frowning slightly. He had worked hard to make sure Jaejoong never heard a thing about the women he saw. Jaejoong just snorted and licked his lips, they felt cold.

“Heechul is a mutual friend.”

“Why he still talks to us about each other I will never understand.” Yunho says with a shake of his head, Jaejoong smiling sadly as he sighed.

“You do understand, Yunho. You would just prefer not to.” he spoke, moving to push off from the railing, his cold hands slipping into his pockets to keep warm. Heechul knew both of them exceptionally well, and he knew nothing of giving up when he had an investment in something, “Why did you even come here.” 

“I came because I knew I would see you.” Yunho spoke slowly, as though thinking carefully about each word,

“Why now, Yunho. It has been six years since we last spoke.” 

“What did I say, Jae? That last day?” A car passed them by, not slowing for a moment as it's headlights illuminated their hunched forms before continuing along down the road, 

“You said when the time is right.” Jaejoong replied, his fingers curling into his palms in his pockets, his eyes closing, “You said we would find one another again when the time is right.” Yunho finally moved, taking a step closer and lifting his head. Cool, soft lips pressed to the right side of Jaejoong's forehead, lingering there for the briefest of moments,

“The military was always an inevitability.” he spoke, “But in two years we will be free. We will be different people. In two years everything will have changed.” He said, his voice filled with a kind of innocent hope. The cynical part of Jae thought it was naïve, thought that the damage was done and that they would never be able to look to one another again, but that small part of him deep inside, the part of him who had entered that practice room for the first time all those years ago felt so alive.   
He knew he would always love Yunho, he knew he would never love anything or anyone quite like he loved that boy with the crooked teeth and the almost insufferably positive outlook on the world. 

“Two years is a long time, Yunho.” Jae said, and Yunho smiled, 

“Six years is even longer, Jae.” he spoke softly, a hand lifting to cup that cheek and turn Jaejoong's head to look at him, “When we are both free, Jaejoong. I will find you again.” 

Jaejoong smiled as he closed his eyes, leaning in to the warmth of the hand against his cheek, “When we are free.” The hand slipped from his face, and the warmth of a familiar body was lost from him but he didn't open his eyes, his hands lifting to grip on to the railing again.

“Good luck.”

He couldn't bare to watch Yunho walk away.

**Author's Note:**

> I used to regularly write fan fiction, but I stopped in about 2012 on my livejournal account (zhoumi_kuixian) when I had to focus on other things. I have a lot of headcanons and ideas rolling around in that little head of mine so I think maybe I should start posting some again. I am not by any standard good at writing, but I enjoy it, and I like getting my thoughts down on paper. I hope you enjoyed this, and I hope to maybe write and post some more in the future. Thank you for reading, pumpkins!


End file.
